odyssey

530 wake up call.
6 am check out.

vampire weekend?
x3 please.

dear los angeles,
your traffic sucks.
go play in it.

i wanted to lay down in the bed of wildflowers.
too bad it was located between the 99.

leaky gas station roof.
thank you attendant for making sure it missed my car.

windshield became a graveyard for insects.
the birds were spared.

BREAK

keep trucking up north.
humboldting.
best friend and high school friends.

then lets go back down, down, down.
down to mountain home.
down to slo town.
down to san marcos home.


back in skull county, for only a moment.
i love spring break :)

Man, I Love College

No, I really do.
Just lately it all seems like too much.

I'm not good at making life changing decisions.
This past weekend I did some soul searching.
I think that I want to pursue a double major with Mass Media and Political Science.
Or at least Mass Media with a minor in Political Science.
Maybe minor in French.
The idea of broadcasting and journalism intrigues me.
I also want to join the Peace Corps for two years.
I don't care where they stick me, as long as I get to do something constructive.
I want to go big in life.
Sometimes simplicity bores me.

This all dawned on me this weekend along with my endless piles of homework.
I also realized how much I have changed in the past year.

I'm not as uptight as I used to be.
I don't judge people anymore.
I've realized my stance on important issues.
I can do things on my own.
I actually enjoy an 8 hour drive.
I'm actually a smart person.
I'm happy being single.

With only a few days left until break, lets home I can keep myself sane enough to finish this work.

Never Will I Say "Because I Said So"

i often think about how i want to raise my future children noah, leif, chelsea dagger, charlie danger, fern, jayne, and sebastian. i also tell myself that i want to do the exact opposite of what my parents did.

now, i'm going to give them some credit because i think that i turned out pretty decent and that i have wonderful parents.
i mean i did make it through high school without getting pregnant, driving drunk, flunking out, OD'ing from heroin, and worshipping satan. i also made it into a very decent college.

however, i look back at it and realized that i figured out a lot of things on my own. i've always credited myself with having strong pair of morals and ethics. additionally, my perception from right and wrong are very keen.

i never had the "birds and the bees talk."
a lot of what i learned was through school, girlfriends, and cosmopolitan. (yes, i read cosmo when i was 13 and i thought it was really risque and that i was a rebel for doing so)
though i was extremely uncomfortable about the topic with my parents, i look back at it and wished that it happened. i think that they were just as uncomfortable about talking about it as i was.

i know that if i ever got pregnant right now, i wouldn't tell my parents. i would get an abortion and never speak of it with them. i know that they would forgive my reckless decision, but in the back of their minds they'd never think of me the same.
i hate disappointing people and my possessing my parents' trust is something that i hold dear to me.


but i don't want to be like that with my kids.
i don't care if they don't think of me as their best friend, i just want them to trust me.
i want them to know that it's okay to mess up and that i won't trust or love you any less if you make a mistake.

i want my kids to get in small types of trouble.
i want my kids to join whatever club they want.
i want my kids to have plans every weekend.
i want my kids to succeed.
i want my kids to love life.

i feel like i was too cautious as a young kid.
i wish that i was more reckless and more daring.
i don't want to deprive my future kids of that.

Eenie Meenie Minie Mo?

Gruesome, right?

A lovely friend of mine happen to post a link very similar to that on my facebook.

http://dontclickthis.whatingods.name.nyud.net/murder-bears.jpg?ref=red

That lovely friend also knew that I happen to advocate for the saving of polar bears.
He also knows that I harbor a soft spot for cute creatures (i.e seals, kitties, baby pandas)
The photo completely contradicted my beliefs.
It made me realize that I am a walking contradiction.

I hate when pedestrians walk in front of my car like they own the place when I'm driving in a parking lot.
However, I do it all the time.

I push for peace.
Yet, I find the concepts of war interesting.

I would love to be someone's wife.
Oddly, the idea of committing myself to one person forever terrifies me.

I protest Wal*Mart.
Sadly, half of the things I own come from China.

It's not that I think that I'm a bad person for this planet- that'd be a lie.
I mean not the brag, but I do go out of my way to make sure my carbon footprint is minimal.

I have reusable grocery bags.
I drive a fuel efficient car.
I try to do my laundry at night.
I constantly turn off lights around my apartment.

All that makes me good, right?

What I'm getting at is that I'm incredibly indecisive and still have no idea what the hell I want from life.

I don't know what I want to do as a career, yet I know that I need a job to survive this world.
I have 3 1/2 years before I graduate.....
If I had my way, I'd just bum around and travel. You know, chill in Bali, improve my French in Switzerland....
Mags said that it worked out for Jack Kerouac.
However, I don't believe that I'm creative enought to write poetry or brave enough to do LSD in order to be the modern version of him.

Help me please?
What should I be?
What am I even really good at?

In the end, there is one thing that I do want: Happiness.
I think that I'm pretty good at doing that.

Cafeteria Catholic

Before I begin, let me clarify a few things.

I am not Catholic.
My father was raised that way, but I was never dunked in water or ate crackers given to me by a priest.

I don't believe that I can fully classify myself as a Christian because I don't believe that a man built an arc to rescue all the world's creatures from a flood. If that's the case though, tell me what happened to the unicorns or those dinosaurs!!!! Seriously the world could have used a mythical creature like the unicorn to brighten up the lives of it's inhabitants.

As Polly Poppins puts it, "ENFP's do things the way that they want to. It may not make sense to others, but it sure does to them."

I am participating in Lent. But by no means am I Catholic. I looked at Lent as more a stamina builder. If I could go 40 days without candy and Starbucks, I could do anything. However, being ENFP, I made some modifications. As I am not allowed to have candy until Easter, baked goods are perfectly fine. I mean I don't consume them on a daily basis anyways. Some might classify ice cream as candy. I say "nay." My best friend is a Christian and she reminded me that Lent is practiced more so as a sacrifice to God then an excuse to start eating healthy. But honestly, I don't think that I'm being selfish. I drink those Starbucks Fraps without an once of guilt. It was high time that I try to kick the habit.

Only 34 more days to go......