Love and Bollywood?

I’m a girl.
I like boys.
Let me say that differently: I love boys.

I love the way most of them smell.
I love the way they talk.
I love the way they smile.
I love how they try to outsmart other boys.
I love how they try so hard to impress you.
I love the way they hug.
I love how they kiss.
Oh, how I love boys....


But, do I want a boy?
Yes and no.
I might want one for awhile, but do I want the same one forever?
I still have no idea...

You see, I have this issue:
I don’t do commitment.
I can’t stand clingy people and I can’t stand being held back.
I almost view relationships as an extra job and I don't really feel like I want to work at one.

Why do I have this issue?:
It's not that I've ever been hurt and I could have easily had a boyfriend in high school if I really wanted to. It's just because I'm so darn indecisive and get bored easily. How do I know that I won’t be this way when it comes to marriage?

Speaking of marriage, this is how my wedding is going to go down:
-Short ceremony where I will don bare feet.
-Crazy amounts of calla lilies and hydrangeas.
-None of my bridesmaids dresses will look alike and they won’t be hideous.
-My dress will be simple yet extremely flattering
-Imagine a reception with bollywood dancing.

Lots and lots of dancing.


You know the end scene of Slumdog Millionaire?
Yeah, that’ll be my wedding just without the slums and probably the million dollars.

-I will rock out when Electric Feel by MGMT is blared and hold my husband close as Green Eyes by Coldplay plays.
-Then, for your entertainment, I’ll rap Atmosphere.
-Finally, unlimited champagne and a five tiered vanilla wedding cake.

See how easy that was for me to spell out?
It’s obvious that I’ve put some thought into it.....

The idea of loving someone forever still sounds wonderful, but I’m not sure that I have it in me. I’ve never fallen in love. I’m really afraid to. There’s never been a moment where I’ve not been in control of my life. People tell me that I need to let go when I think that I’ve found the right person. Also, considering my lack of dating experience, I don’t think that I want to marry the first one that I fall in love with. I fear that then I’ll be missing out on something. I fear that maybe I’ll never get to do the things that I wanted to do. Maybe I won’t be missing out, who knows.

Seriously though, marriage is a big deal. My parents have done it for 22 years and, as gross as I find it, they still express to each other how much they love each other. Marriage is legally binding and seems like way too much of a contract for me to ever handle. Like to even get out of it you have to sign more contracts.

I want to experience love and a family, but do I really need marriage for that?

This post was cross-posted at: http://www.ifyoubelongedhere.com/